Category: Mother’s Self Care

What I Want My Kids To Learn From Me

Source: pixabay.com

Being a mom is a life-long responsibility. It brings too much pressure as it brings so much joy. It is not every day that things go as planned. However, whatever the circumstances are, mothers only want nothing but peace and happiness for their kids. Admittedly, not all mothers’ actions and decisions are well-accepted by the public and by their family. But for me, I want my kids to learn things based on their understanding from what I am trying to impose in their lives.

It Is Okay Not To Be Perfect

As a mom, it takes a lot of pressure when your kids look at you as an example. These young ones assume that since you are the “mom,” you know almost everything. Yes, parts of it can be correct. But not always, though. There is no room for perfection in life, so being imperfect is genuinely okay.

Jill Leibowitz, PsyD, wrote, “Even if we aim to be perfect parents, inevitably, we will fail. Minor failures are not just unavoidable, they are a necessary and intricate part of our children’s development that propel them towards a sense of agency.”

Sometimes, a lot of people, young ones and adults, aim for the better versions of themselves. That is entirely acceptable. As long as people realize that the acceptance of one’s flaws is part of the process of becoming a genuine individual.

Hence, Lisa Brown, PsyD, said, “If children regularly respond to disappointments with negative self-talk that is out of proportion to the particular disappointments, this can lead to avoiding certain experiences as well as a lack of motivation to persevere in the face of difficulties.” Kids should love themselves and be proud of who they are, no matter whatever imperfections are there.

Source: pixabay.com

No One Deserves Mistreatment

There is a slight difference when you teach your kids to fight back or just let go of things. What most parents would want their children to do is become humble and always considers the best of things. But that is not often the case. There are instances that children need to fight back and defend themselves. Not everyone is gifted and given the ability to handle stressful situations. For some mothers like, we want our kids to learn the importance of taking care of themselves in a better way. No one wants to get mistreated, and no one deserves that as well. But if the case is bullying, I would encourage my children to speak up and stand for themselves no matter what.

“If the child learns not to speak up but to “take what you’re given,” then we are instilling a loss of voice that can give rise to responses ranging from simple objections to major ones,” wrote licensed clinical psychologist Francine Martinez, PhD. She added, “If children show fear in speaking up for themselves, they might allow resentment to build in future relationships.”

Love Doesn’t Always Have To Hurt

Understanding that children will soon grow up and enter a relationship is one of the scariest things mothers can experience. Not only because they will engage in different types of personalities, but children will also undergo self-adjustments as well. But one thing these young adults must take into consideration is the idea of love. I would never want my kids to look at love as damaging, exhausting, and an unfulfilling thing. As much as possible, these kids should realize that love doesn’t hurt at all. All it brings are respect, support, understanding, encouragement, and motivation. So if it is not something like these at all, then no one is sure what it is.

Source: pixabay.com

Not all mothers understand their responsibilities. Some are only taking for granted the role they have and just because they are parents, most of them think they are right. Perhaps, most of them are right. But motherhood is not always about being correct. Sometimes, these parents’ mistakes are just as valuable.

My Greatest Fear Of Becoming A Mom

my-greatest-fear-of-becoming-a-mom-1

Source: pixabay.com

I know for sure that motherhood is one of the most beautiful experienced any woman can have. It brings so much joy and purpose in life. There are discoveries about yourself, such as your ability, the willingness to grow, and the sacrifices you can do for your kids. However, feelings are not always like that.

Along with different expectations, there are mommies like me that I know who think about the opposite. There are too much anxiety and stress that come along because everything about motherhood is full of uncertainty. As for me, I also have my greatest fear of becoming mom.

Not Being Able To Provide The Right Love And Care

Being a mother is immeasurable. There are lots of expectations that somehow makes one lose control over things. It is not like hating life as it is. But there is more to the responsibilities that come with motherhood’s purpose. Sometimes, one of the greatest fears of becoming a mother is not about providing children their physical needs. These include shelter, food, and clothes. What bothers most mommies is their anxiety over what is the right process of loving and caring. Yes, there is no such thing as measured love and care. But, who can tell? The idea of not being able to give your kids the right amount of love and affection are something that makes most mothers feel bad about themselves.

For mom and psychologist, FrancyneZelster, Ps.D., providing love and care is evident in the quality time you share with them. “What’s more important than the quantity of time you spend with your kids is the quality of the time you do have together. When I am with my children, whether for an hour or a full day, I am responsive to their cues and needs; I provide undivided attention whenever possible to set them up for success.”

my-greatest-fear-of-becoming-a-mom-2

Source: pixabay.com

Not Being Able To Create An Impact

Along with the responsibility of disciplining and teaching values to kids, mothers’ role should have to make an impact. But what if there is none? It is inevitable for the fact that mothers are aware of handling their kids up to their knowledge and understanding. But what if the type of parenting is not as compelling as most moms think and believe? Will they be able to know if their kids are getting the right understanding of life from the way of their mothers’ teaching only? Of course, not. Therefore, if most mothers cannot create an impact on their kids’ life, then no one can say that her role gets well executed.

Moms have a grave impact on their child’s well-being. This point is a matter of making positive or negative impact on your kids.William Berry, LMHC shares, “If you are a parent, have you honestly looked at what you have done wrong while parenting, and discussed it with your adult child? This is known cognitively, but do parents actually take responsibility for it?” Based on this point, the only way to know is to have that tough conversation with our kids.

Not Being Able To Set As A Good Example

With all the issues and family relationship complications that a lot of people experience every day, every mother’s decision is crucial. So what if a particular decision is not meant to solve problems? What if instead of fixing things up, it ruins everything that the whole family has? You see, every mother fear has something to do with their ability to set as an excellent example for their kids. But of course, not everything falls with their plans. There are times that the slightest motherhood mistake creates total damage to everything. Sometimes, there are unfortunate cases that there is nothing to salvage anymore. Mothers want their kids to look up to them. But not all are responsible enough to set themselves as an example.

In parenting, it is all about setting a good example for your children because they are watching you, says Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D. “Don’t just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, ‘What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result?” Children often end up absorbing their parents demeanor and behaviors.

my-greatest-fear-of-becoming-a-mom-3

Source: pixabay.com

If the teachings and values of motherhood appear mishandled, then people can expect failure in parenting. And that my friend is scary.

Loosen Up – Don’t Be A Hyperparent!

Source: afrc.af.mil

If you are a mom who is classified as a hyperparent, you may not even know that you are. Parents, as most of us know, tend to deny these kinds of things. I did – a few years back. I can recall the anxiety, frustration, and the pressure that was pulling me down when Alaena was born. I couldn’t handle all of it, and so I decided to talk to a therapist to help me solve my problems so I wouldn’t go spiraling into depression. It took me months to finally accept that I was indeed a hyperparent, and all the stress and other mental health concerns I had were simply because I was too on edge. Therapy helped me realize that I needed to loosen up – for my daughter’s sake and mine.

What Is A Hyperparent?

A hyperparent mom (or dad) is someone who attempts to teach her child even while she is still in the womb. She regularly stimulates her unborn baby with operatic music in hopes that she will be more intelligent than the usual kids her age when she grows up. She is fixated on everything, including her child’s small scrape on her knee down to the moment she comes home all wet because she played too much. She is overpowering, overprotective, and domineering. Are you a hyperparent?

As someone who was once an annoying and overwhelming mother, I would like to share a few things that I’ve learned. I hope my experience helps all the moms – and dads – who are trying to break this unpleasant habit. Perhaps there are some suggestions I will make that you won’t agree on, but it’s okay. Just know that this is the best that I can do to guide you into relaxing a little while still loving your child unconditionally. When I changed my ways, I noticed that my relationship with Alaena is much better. She has become more honest and comfortable telling me about anything. She can explore and try new things, although I can’t help but supervise her (and she allows me). I am hopeful that these steps will work on you too.

Source: 29palms.marines.mil

Your Child Deserves Respect Too. Just because they’re still children doesn’t mean you can push them into doing what you want. That is disrespect. Showing them that you respect them may mean that they are allowed to refuse something that you ask of them, especially if it is not something that they must do, like playing with your friend’s child or enrolling her in ballet classes when she wants to sing. These are simple acts of respect and kindness that will go a long way in strengthening your parent-child bond.

Do Not Expect Too Much From Them. This is a mistake that many parents commit, perhaps because they have a lot of dreams for their kids. They want their children to excel in a specific sport, and when they don’t, they see the disappointment in your face. I used to tell Alaena that I wanted her to join the writer’s club, as I’ve always loved to write ever since I was very young. I didn’t know that she hated it. I only knew it when I saw her incomplete phrases and sometimes blank papers from her bag. It was just not her thing. Support what your child loves doing and celebrate her wins.

Minimize Saying No. But this is not to say that you should say yes to your kid all the time. “Some kids can’t understand or learn the reason for the rule if they only hear the word ‘no’,” says Bruce Grellong, Ph.D. It is often a parent’s nature to say no to whatever their kid asks of them, which is sometimes a reason for them acting out. This is also quite stressful for both you and your child. Try to stop saying no. If you’re hesitant to say yes because you don’t want to be definite, maybe do a little negotiating. For instance, you can say, “Yes, we can probably do that, but let me finish what I’m doing first.”

Let Her Discover Things On Her Own. Letting your child explore is one of the best ways for her to learn about the life, among other things. “What seems like defiance is actually just your child exerting his autonomy and trying to figure out what he can and can’t do,” Christine Raches, PsyD, says. If you allow her to run around the house and she does it rather inappropriately, then she’ll know she needs to slow down when she hits that wall. Let her bike around the neighborhood and make new friends. Of course, you should establish some safety rules before giving her some freedom to play and be a kid.

Source: media.defense.gov

Don’t Change Your Child. Your child is unique, with distinct qualities and skills. Don’t try to modify her into a perfect creature. “Even though someone might be your child, they are still their own individuals with their own feelings, opinions, goals and lives,” says Ashton Burdick, LPC. I never attempted to change my daughter simply because I knew she is already perfect the way she is.

So don’t control your child. Protect, but don’t over-protect. Reprimand, but don’t manipulate. Be thankful for whatever she is. She is one of your greatest blessings. Give her enough freedom to explore the world. Love her – unconditionally.

 

 

 

Why It’s Hard To Be A Mom

Source: pixabay.com

A lot of things will change in your world when you become a mom. There’s too much of everything. You sometimes end up having a bad and a great day at the same time. You often feel stressed, anxious, depress, and agitated for no particular reasons. All the anxiety are there, and you can’t seem to control it. There are instances that even the emotional and mental health affects the physiological aspects as well. It’s a bit damaging and a lot more exhausting than you think.

(more…)

Motherhood And Anxiety

Being a mother can be a rewarding thing to do. It feels good to do all the best things for your kids and everyone in the family. However, there are times when stress and anxiety are too much to handle. You will start to realize that being a mom requires a lot of efforts to be patient and understanding on your part. Otherwise, you will experience chaos in your family.

 

Source: pixabay.com

 

In this article, our primary focus would be about the smart guidelines that you must follow if you want to eliminate stress and anxiety in your motherhood life. The first thing that you must be aware of is the reality that the presence of a mom is a complicated one, which is why you have to take things slow to ensure that you can think clearly and can deliver better work. Be sure to familiarize yourself with the list:

 

Pamper Yourself

Clinical psychologist Jessica Michaelson, PsyD, said, “[O]ur culture still praises selflessness in motherhood, so there is a fear of being judged if you take time to attend to other interests and needs.”

When was the last time you went to a salon or spa? Never feel guilty to indulge in something that will make you feel relaxed. Take note that it is okay to treat yourself every once in a while. Do not worry about who will take good care of the kids because you can always ask your partner or seek help from a good friend who can do it for you. Remember that you deserve to take a break from the usual motherhood routine.

 

 

Meet Up With Other Moms

Do not underestimate the importance of support groups composed of wives and mommies. Just because you are already a mother does not mean that you can no longer have fun. It is still crucial for you to go out every now and then so that you can see your friends and hang out with them. Talk to other moms about your issues. You will never know what the other person might say. Her words can probably take your world upside down.

 

Source: pixabay.com

 

Create A Journal

Find time to write down all your thoughts and emotions in a journal notebook. “It provides a quiet time to reflect, and that reflection creates an opportunity to create time and quiet and this meaningful solitude which is so important during times of chaos,” said Howard Weissman, PsyD, founder of the Chicago Stress Relief Center.

Make sure to keep it to yourself and prevent others from stealing it. The great and best thing about journaling is that it allows you to process what is going on in your mind. It will allow you to think clearly about the joys of motherhood. It is highly recommended to focus on the good when it comes to jotting down stuff in your journal.

 

Take A Vacation

What is the first or primary thing that comes into your mind when you think of vacation? Do you want to go out of town for the weekend or travel abroad for a few days? Knowing the answer to these questions is the key to eliminating the negative vibes in your life. As such, it is ideal for you to travel with your husband so that you can take a day off from taking good care of your beloved kids. However, be sure to avoid leaving the house unless someone is there to watch over the children.

 

Talk About Your Issues

As already mentioned above, it is crucial for you to find a way to talk about your life issues. Find someone whom you can trust your concerns and issues. It is understandable that you will have a hard time to do this during the first few months. Do not worry because it is only completely normal. Remember that opening up about your issues can set you free. In the long run, it will make you feel liberated to the point that you will feel nothing but genuine happiness in being a mother.

 

Do What You Love

Whether you like it or not, motherhood can take a toll in your life. There are some sacrifices that you have to make or opportunities that you have to forego. Karen Kleiman MSW, LCSW, wrote, “[W]hen a woman endures the pain of disconnection from her baby, or fails to meet the expectations dictated by her critical mother, or can’t face her own reflection in the mirror because she has lost touch with the soul within—it’s hard for her to know where to turn.”

As such, it is best if you will spend some of your days doing what you love. Being a mother is not supposed to stop you from doing what you do best. Look for your passion and dedicate yourself into doing it. Continue to do what you love, and everything will feel better in your life.

 

Source: pixabay.com

 

Being anxious and stressed during motherhood is part of your journey to raising amazing children. Fortunately, there are tons of things that you can do. Be sure to follow the list above.

 

Things I Realized After Giving Birth

I am a woman who loves my family so much. I am thankful for having a wonderful and hard-working husband who always supports me whenever I need him. I am also grateful for the experience my only daughter gave me before and after I delivered her into the world. Everything that is in my life right now is all worth the pain, suffering, and struggle that I endured consistently during my pregnancy.

Source: publicdomainpictures.net

It’s been several weeks since I gave birth to our only child. Looking at her makes me feel so blessed that I can’t thank God enough for the experience. I’m still in awe. I can’t believe how amazing life is and that nature can become incredible. However, the everyday struggle of taking care of my daughter is something that gives me these unwanted moods. I understand that this could mean signs of postpartum and that it’ll eventually go away. But still, the whole experience is giving me the chill.

When I was a young adult, I do have some expectations on how life would be like when I become a mom. However, it seems like some of those perceptions are way far from what I thought it would be now that I am currently a first-time mom.

A New Born Child Is Indescribably Delicate

I know for a fact that a newborn baby is soft and delicate. That is why I set up my mind to always be careful in handling things that are fragile. I make sure to properly hold a glass in a position where it won’t slip off my hand. However, keeping a baby in your arms is different from the latter experience. There’s a need for an “extra” of everything. There should be an extra carefulness, attention, focus, as well as slowness. That is the reason why sometimes I don’t want to hold her at all. I get the feeling that I might lose control and snuggle her too tightly. I sometimes avoid touching parts of her body because it’s way too little. I get scared of putting her on top of my chest thinking that she might not feel comfortable. “Good enough is best. Within a normal range of interactions, babies, especially older ones, benefit from some variations in timings and styles,” says Yale School of Medicine psychologist Ruth Feldman Ph.D.

Source: pixabay.com

Things Around The Baby Become Way Too Different

When I was still pregnant, I kept thinking about the changes I need to do once the baby is out. But now that my daughter is under my care, I began to change everything around her. I thought things will still be organized and that her stuff won’t add a mess to our room. Unfortunately, it is not the case. There are clutters everywhere. Well, not literally out of the pile, but most of the stuff in the house is primarily for the baby. Because I’m afraid that she might find accidents in the house once she learns to crawl or walk, I started clearing all the edges. I put foams everywhere on the floor and some on the walls. I eliminated most sharp objects I can see inside the house. I became paranoid in keeping her away from tons of unwanted incidents that might happen to her even though those are just things I imagined in my head.

I’m Not That Tough As I Thought I would Be

Being a mom is something I look forward to becoming. Now that I currently handle motherhood, I realized that I’m not remarkably that tough. Yes, I am confident that I can deliver my baby’s needs and that I can give her the love and care she deserves. However, I still have these emotional imbalances that make me feel weak and vulnerable to mental conditions. To understand this further, Romeo Vitelli Ph.D. wrote that, “Becoming a first-time parent can have a dramatic impact on many people, both in terms of the stress they experience and the impact that it has on marital satisfaction and emotional well-being.” And that, “New parents can report considerable stress for different reasons.” It happens every time my daughter cries, I get too scared, distracted, and emotionally hurt seeing her like that. Every time she cries, I feel like she’s losing her breath. There’s a bit of me that says I should stop her from crying right away, but seeing her stoning her little body every scream, it stuns me. From there, I lose all the confidence of holding her in my arms.

Everything Is A Struggle, But It’s All Worth It

I know that having a baby is not an easy task. That the situation I am at is only the beginning of what I will have to endure for the benefit of the future. The sleepless nights, the unscheduled eating habits, the long hours of physical discomfort, and the emotional agony are just part of motherhood. As what psychiatrist Mark Banschick M.D. wrote, “…parenting is not about freedom. It’s about love; because the minute you deliver or adopt a child, your life changes forever. You are no longer the center of your existence – nor is your partner.” And I won’t lie. There are times that I feel exhausted, agitated, and anxious, but those are not enough to make me stop caring and loving my child. The pain, suffering, and stress become worth it. That’s because her smile takes it all away in an instant.

Source: pixabay.com

There are a lot of things I need to learn about motherhood. But before I enter the struggle of parenting, I will take this opportunity to embrace the adjustments I have to make as a first-time mom.

I Constantly Think Of Dying After A Traumatic Childbirth

Source: pixabay.com

My first childbirth went rather smooth. I felt horrible pain, but my baby came out after an hour. I thought to myself I never want to give birth again, and I guess that’s what most moms say after a delivery. Then, after two years of enjoying being a mom to my firstborn, I got pregnant again. Honestly, I wasn’t that excited. I was more of terrified. I couldn’t bear the thought of feeling the same amount of pain, but then, believing it will be all worth it, I thought I just had to be strong and prepare myself once again.

(more…)

Motherhood – The World’s Toughest Job (Parent Counseling Discussion)

We all know that being a mother is no joke. Mothers need to endure a lot of things such as nine months of physical discomfort, more than an hour of uncontrolled pain in delivery, stress, and anxiety from environmental toxicity, family issues, and career decisions, and the list goes on. Sadly, for some other people, they don’t take mothers seriously. They assume that because they decide to give and create a life, they should get stuck with its duties and responsibilities.

Source: pixabay.com

(more…)

First Nights With Your Baby

 

Source: webmd.com

 

Congratulations, you are now a mother! However, did you notice that upon giving birth, you felt anxious, upset or uncomfortable? If these feelings linger, these will be some of the symptoms of postpartum mood disorder.

“A new baby is the most exciting event on earth, but caring for the baby is a major new life adaptation. Baby blues is very common – crying and irritability and to deal with it, one needs loving support, and others on hand to share in the care,” wrote psychiatrist Robert Berezin, M.D.

PPD is closely linked to depression and similar mental illnesses. The anticipation and pressure of having a child are different from having a tiny person depend on you 24/7. It causes psychological disruption that even some mothers cannot fully comprehend.

“Overwhelmed by a quintessential force that feels both euphoric and inconsolable, she looks into the eyes of a child she doesn’t know,” wrote Karen Kleiman MSW, LCSW, founder and director of The Postpartum Stress Center, LLC. “Imagine the strain, the pressure, the utter disbelief in her capacity to respond appropriately.”

If you think you might have PPD, do not feel that you are a terrible person for your untoward feelings for your baby. It is just a phase that your mental state will conquer eventually.

Thankfully, this condition is now treatable through different methods, a combination of counseling and medication. Before doing any harm, read on to see how crucial early treatment is to recover immediately. Do not be ashamed to admit that you need help, especially since the health of your baby is also concerned.

Here are some information, insights, and advice on how to get through this challenging stage of motherhood with counseling.

 

Counseling As A Sounding Board

During the first nights with your baby, you will discover that your baby can become very fussy and demanding! This behavior is brought about by changes in the environment and sometimes, a growth spurt.

If you are a breastfeeding mom, you will find yourself waking up to cries (or shrieks) every 2 hours. It means you will have little, or no sleep, at all. Some babies want to latch onto their mothers for reassurance. Thus, they will cry more if you lay them down on their cot.

More often than not, the mothers are more hands-on in taking care of the baby. Husbands can only help in burping your baby and changing diapers, but the bulk of the work remains with mothers.

The perceived lack of support from relatives, more importantly, your husband, can cause you to harbor negative feelings toward other people. Raising these feelings in counseling can help you process these feelings constructively. Harboring these feelings longer than it should lead to more negative emotions and self-pity. These could be the springboard for mood disorders.

 

Importance Of Self-Care

 

Source: babycaremag.com

 

You should not underestimate the importance of self-care when your family becomes your top priority. Talking to experts, especially when you are usually left alone at home with your child is indeed necessary. It will help lessen the chances of negative feelings to lead to post-partum depression in the long run. It will help you to become more of the mother you are aspiring to be.

Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders assures, “You are not a bad mom if you have postpartum illness, and reaching out for help—to your doctor or a qualified therapist—makes you a great one.”

Motherhood is already a daunting task. In addition to that, other issues such as personal challenges, bouts with your husband, or other family concerns that will appear in the course of your life. Your life will inevitably change. Talking frequently with a trusted counsel is an option if you want to maintain anoptimal state of mind.

Most people believe that being a mother is the most challenging job in the entire world. Hence, do not beat yourself up for trying to be the best mother right away. It admittedly takes time and practice.