My first pregnancy was an unplanned one, and we were both in shock to learn that I was already on the way. We were planning to have a baby after three years, but it seemed God had another plan for giving us the baby early.
We believe that babies are blessings from God, but we also knew that we were not yet ready to have one, financially and emotionally. We both had an unstable job, we did not have earnings, and we were still not prepared to become parents as we still wanted to enjoy each other’s company.
The baby came, and we had to face it. We became happier as a couple, and we were more inspired to do our jobs. Our baby was indeed a blessing. Opportunities at work knocked at our door. Excitement and love for our baby replaced our hesitation of having a child. We thought we were not ready, but you will never really know until you get there.
When Ethan turned six, he already asked us when he was going to have a baby brother. We were actually thinking of having a second one. We were excited, but deep inside there were fears.
“Consideration of postpartum depression in fathers as well as mothers, and consideration of co‐occurrence of depression in couples, is an important next step in research and practice involving childbearing families,” explores Janice H. Goodman, PhD, RN, CS, in her study.
Am I Ready To Give Up A Flourishing Career?
Before we got married, we planned to have three kids, but not so soon. We still wanted to have two more, but I like how things are going right now in our lives. I want my son to enjoy his time with us before giving him a sibling. And since my career is going well, I am thinking, “Is a second child what we need at this point in our lives?”
Can I Love My Second Baby The Way I Love Ethan?
I love Ethan so much that I am willing to do anything for him. Merely watching him when I get home from work makes me relax. Our Ethan is such a sweet boy, and I am not sure the second child that is coming will be like him. Can I love this next child just like Ethan?
I Have Forgotten What It Feels Like Giving Birth
I had a difficult pregnancy and delivery with my first son, and I almost forgot how it felt, the pain and the fear. But it slowly reappeared to me when we were contemplating on having our second one.
These fears can be addressed as more is known about PPD these days. A study by Dr. Michael O’Hara, PhD, and co-authors found that “[p]reventive interventions, delivered during pregnancy or soon after delivery, also have been found to be effective for high‐risk women.”
I Fear For My Older Child
Although our son is asking us for a little brother, I still feel fear for him, fear that he might not like it, fear that they might be jealous with one another, fear that I might treat them differently, and fear that he might hurt the baby.
Part of me desired a second baby, but the other part of me was afraid. I know we have waited for enough and it is about time to give Ethan a brother. We are opening our hearts to have another child, and I have to be ready for it myself mentally for the pain and difficulties of pregnancy and to give birth again. We will have Ethan attend a coaching seminar to prepare him for the coming of the new baby, so we will all have fewer worries and fewer anxieties.
Psychologist Linda Luecken, PhD, says, “Certainly mom’s affect can influence the baby, but we also think that the quality of the interactions can predict mom’s risk of depression later on.”
This time, this baby we are having is something we have planned, and we asked God for it in prayers. All I need to do is prepare myself mentally and physically so the new baby will be healthy while in my tummy and we can all welcome him with happiness and love in our family.