I genuinely do not want to talk about this emotional roller coaster that I am experiencing because I find it unnecessary to discuss this and a private issue. I mean, I literally do not want people to know that I am on the verge of breaking down just because I can’t seem to handle my thoughts. This anxiety that is building up on me is taking away my positive energy and sense of self-commitment. It makes me want to give in to stress and depression at the same time.
To tell it honestly, these worries over a delayed period are not supposed to bug me that easily. I am confident to handle it because this is what I am expecting. I am a consenting adult who understands how sex and pregnancy work. So this should not become a big deal since I already knew what would happen next. However, things are slightly out of hand because of some medical issues I may not have noticed I am going through.
What’s The Issue?
One of my major concerns is my delayed period. This is genuinely the first time I missed out on a cycle. I tried researching about it, and fortunately, I find out that it is quite normal to experience it once or twice in a woman’s life. Therefore many Google results show that there is nothing to worry about since science already proved to be physically normal. But still, I have doubts about that percentage.
Days passed, and I began to get paranoid because of these “supposed” early signs of pregnancy. These include swollen breasts, bloating, mood swings, nausea, frequent urination, fatigue, light cramps, and of course, a delayed period. All of which is somewhat what I experienced for the past couple of weeks. But even if those things seem evident, I still didn’t think about the possibility of being pregnant because I know that my reproductive system needs healing. Yes, that is quite right. I am almost incapable of getting pregnant due to a long history of reproductive issues. I don’t intend to sound too negative about it because I still believe and hope that someday I can take these worries out of my clinical problems.
So to continue with the “delayed period story,” I went on and grabbed some pregnancy kit. The one that people use to test that urine hCG levels or something, we all know that. After testing, the result was negative. I feel relieved with the result, but I thought that I should retake the test to be sure. So I went to the local pharmacy and bought another one.
The first time I took the pregnancy test, I was genuinely hoping that I wasn’t pregnant. But on my second attempt, I sort of feel like wanting to get a different result. So after I tried testing again, the result was the same. But this time, the emotions are different. It was as if I was looking forward to a positive outcome. I began fantasizing about being pregnant.
How Things Go
So after quite a whole series of testing and waiting (which was entirely emotionally and mentally exhausting), I tried testing again. The thing that pushed me to do this is Google. No, I am not blaming the internet for this mental agony. However, I still strongly suggest anyone never rely on the internet for any signs and symptoms as the results there create some emotional disturbance. But it was too late for me to grasp that idea, so I ended up researching some possible answers to this delayed menstrual period.
Back to the pregnancy trial story again, I was pretty much certain that some early symptoms are present. Unfortunately, the pregnancy kit doesn’t cooperate, and the result was again negative. Then the anxiety went up, and there is no stopping it. I tried testing three times, and all three results were negative, so what else should I expect? Then there goes me again, Googling some possible answers where I find out that I might be suffering from pseudocyesis. It is the condition that a woman believes in expecting a baby when she is not actually carrying a child. This search result scared me because I thought I could be crazy. I have this strong feeling of being pregnant due to some of the pregnancy symptoms, except that there is no actual fetus.
This whole situation of a missed period is giving me a hard time. I can’t sleep and think clearly because I might end up having a serious reproductive health problem, which is a lot to take in. I hope and pray that there is nothing clinically serious or damaging involve in this dilemma.